my last (or LAST) experience post
my feet are enlightened
Though this post was due on Sunday, I do think that my lateness is quite poetic as I sit in the Lima hotel in which it all began. Many of my classmates leave tonight, and for most, it will be the last time I see them until the semester begins, even longer if I forget to text to meet up.
I introduced myself in my first blog post rather intensely, and while I’m unashamed for I’m a bitch with shit to say and confusions to rant about, I was conflicted and worried and anxious so it was inevitable. But I conveniently made a paragraph majorly about questions before the trip and thought I would take the time to answer them in this post.
“There must be some inherent worth in learning, I know, but a part of me wonders what exactly, will I learn in Peru?”
Not really sure still. I learned how Peru is different from Canada, how Indigeneity is different, how the land is different, as well as what parts are the same. I learned that strangely enough, it wasn’t just my upbringing in rural Canada that I would be comparing, but the Maoist insurgencies and revolutions in China. I learned that the question of colonialism vs. imperialism is similarly relevant to the Incan and the Chinese pre-European-invasion.
“Is the comparative perspective on Indigenous liberation and identity-building really what I seek, will really be impactful to myself or my community, or is there something more?”
I don’t have an answer to this one either, we didn’t really cover these topics to begin with. I still don’t know what I can draw from this experience to help my community or myself, but I think I understand again, my positionality more than ever before, and that must be something. That must be a perspective deeply vital to my studies. I think the comparative perspective has given me a way of thinking about Indigeneity in the Andes, and while hasn’t changed how I think about Indigeneity in general, I think did a good job of solidifying m localized knowledge.
“Can I say for certain that my airplane carbon emissions will be made up for by a hypothetical spiritual enlightenment?”
It’s interesting to look back on this and to think about enlightenment, especially after yesterday’s wrap-up and how it came up as a theme quite often. It’s also an unexpectedly relevant question because encountering so many hippies in Pisac was not on my bucket list, but I somehow predicted that question altogether. If I attained any enlightenment, I don’t think it’s spiritual in the slightest. I think it’s in my feet. I feel more grounded than ever. When I look at it now, it might be worth the feet enlightenment. I think what I was worried about though, was not being intentional enough with my studies, but looking back, I really think I was equating intentions and being a control freak. Because I feel like on this trip, all I ever moved with was intention, always practicing grounding myself in my people and my values. And it shouldn’t have been a worry.
“ I wonder, could these 6 weeks be spent better home? I also almost got a job in Vancouver and what if I stayed and built lifelong career connections? But is there not just as equal as a chance that there is someone more qualified for that job than I, and no one better for the program than I?”
When I think about it now, I wouldn’t trade these 6 weeks for anything other than world peace. There is never a good answer to this question. I know that no matter what I do I will be fine. Would it make my May self feel better that this trip has changed me and certainly was not a waste of time? Probably, but she already knew that. It was a part of the process to wonder. Without that worry, I don’t think I would have made as strong of personal connections as I have.
“What if my classmates and I are destined to instigate a decolonial revolution together? What if I share a cigarette with a Peruvian bartender and we start a small business in my hometown? What if I, like Jon and my polisci professor (and one of my anthropology professors), develop a fascination with Latin America and commit the rest of my education to its research? The last one is a bit of a stretch but you get the idea.”
well, looks like Emma might do the second, but doesn’t seem like I’m dedicating the rest of my life to Latin America studies, if anything makes me want to study the Yukon even more. The decolonial revolution though? Check back on Cissy and I in a few years because that seed shit might be onto something.
To everyone reading this, I love and appreciate all that you’ve shared on this trip so much, without you I could not have answered any of these questions. I am filled with such immense and inexplicable gratitude for these past weeks. It’s finally time to put these blog posts to rest, and I feel quite the sense of completion.
You are absolutely not ready for the presentation Nikki and I made!
Love in incredible abundance,
Annie Li
"If I attained any enlightenment, I don’t think it’s spiritual in the slightest. I think it’s in my feet. I feel more grounded than ever."
I remember commenting on your very first intro blog post, I remember thinking that it was a thought-provoking introduction to someone, and when I look back on it, it makes a lot of sense. Reading this, reading your answers to your own questions you asked at the beginning feels like a full-circle moment, something feels whole, in comparison to in the beginning, when there was only unanswerable questions. Of course, unanswerable questions remain, perhaps even more prominently now... but it makes my heart feel at peace knowing that I now have friends that have these same unanswerable questions, of which we can explore together. I have loved your thoughts in class and in writing, and I am excited to continue this with you in a different format, in a different part of the world, perhaps in a place that feels more like home. For me, I also feel more grounded after this trip--in many ways... I feel a kind of groundedness in myself, but also in others, and I would be remiss to say that you were not an integral part of that. I feel grateful to have learned some groundedness alongside you these past few weeks.
-- jas <3
Annie I love how you so thoughtfully answered the questions you posed at the beginning of the course. It feels like it has come full circle. I just realized Jasmine already said that. I have appreciated your presence, your voice, and our conversations about Chinese food those last couple of days--that sustained me in my last burst of homesickness.